


Little Secrets

by CallmeCordelia



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22800295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmeCordelia/pseuds/CallmeCordelia
Summary: Late night confessions at the kitchen table
Relationships: Hilda Spellman & Zelda Spellman, Zelda Spellman & Hilda Spellman
Comments: 15
Kudos: 63





	Little Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of me blatantly ignoring the way the Hilda/Zelda relationship was treated in part 3. Hilda does write novels, but there's no sister-bashing going on in them.
> 
> Warning: In addition to spoilers for part 3, this contains nightmares, references to violence and death (nothing explicit) and Zelda just generally not coping well with the heaps of trauma and self loathing with which she is dealing.

She awoke with a start to the sound of panting and the crushing weight of panic on her chest. It took a moment for her sleep-addled brain to realise the panic was not her own, nor the panting. Nestled as she was against Cee’s chest, she could feel that his breathing was slow and deep and rhythmic, punctuated with the occasional snore. A peck on the underside of his jaw and she was sitting up, careful not to disturb him while removing his arm from her waist. Blinking into the darkness, Hilda waited for her eyes to adjust. When they did, she identified the source of the labored breathing. 

“Zelda?” She whispered, suddenly not the least bit tired. 

Her sister’s chalk white face and wide eyes weren’t what concerned her most. Both were, unfortunately, familiar sights. No, it was her presence in Hilda's room that caused the greatest concern. While Zelda would occasionally accept comfort- more frequently since returning from her honeymoon- she was never one to seek it out directly. 

Hilda tried to steady herself as she stepped out of bed. 

“I didn’t mean to-” Pale feet stumbled back toward the door. 

“Shhhh… It’s alright, Zelds.” Slipping her arms through Cee's thick dressing gown, Hilda held out her own for Zelda and gestured for her to follow suit. 

As soon as they entered the kitchen, Hilda fell back into their normal post-nightmare routine. She flicked on the lights, dimming them with a spell. She pulled out Zelda’s chair at the table and gave her a wide berth as she moved toward the hob. Puttering about and plating up an assortment of treats in the hopes of tempting her sister, Hilda made her way over to potion cabinet when the kettle started to whistle. As she searched through her stores, Zelda finally spoke. 

“No foxglove.” Her voice was raw, as it usually was on such occasions, but at least her breathing had evened out. 

“You need to sleep.” It was the same conversation every time, as though they'd rehearsed it. 

Her sister made no answer, only continued picking at her nails. 

Hilda warred with herself for a moment, hand hovering over the bottle. Zelda couldn't keep this up. She'd scarcely slept in… well, _too long_. And when she did sleep it was invariably interrupted by night terrors. A little foxglove would do her good. 

In the end, she returned to the pair of mugs with two sachets of lavender tea and nothing else. Much as Zelda would benefit from an undisturbed night's sleep, she couldn’t bring herself to take even that much of her sister’s agency, not when she knew the reason behind her nightmares. 

Setting down the steaming mug, she slid it toward Zelda’s place at the head of the table, but as she was made to withdraw, a trembling hand clasped her own. 

Hilda’s eyes fixed on their joined hands. This was certainly a breach in their nightly protocol. Usually, Zelda couldn’t bear to be touched, even sinking into herself when Hilda came near enough to serve the tea. Not since before Zelda’s wedding had she initiated any physical contact. 

Her sister must’ve read the confusion in her features. “It wasn’t… I dreamt y-you didn’t come back. I sat beside the Cain pit for days. I tried everything, b-begged every god and demon I could think of.” Hilda looked up to find tear tracks on her big sister’s beautiful face. "But you were… _gone._ " 

“Oh, love, I’m right here. I'm not going anywhere.” 

“I killed you.” 

“You did what I asked of you.” Hilda tested the waters, slowly placing her hand over Zelda’s. “I was a literal spider monster. I could’ve hurt you-” 

“It would be no more than I deserve! _I’m_ the monster!” 

"You're no-" 

“I’ve killed you for centuries!" Despite Hilda’s attempts to interrupt, Zelda continued, becoming more distressed with every passing moment. "I harrowed you within an inch of your life!” 

“You did.” Hilda conceded. Although her sister was far too vulnerable for this conversation, Zelda’s admission had touched a nerve that still stung every now and again. “I always wondered why? We were so close as girls and then at the academy… What changed?” 

Zelda’s eyes squeezed shut and her brow scrunched as she shook her head. 

“Please, Zelds. It haunts me still, not what you did, but why? If you could just explain…” 

There was a long stretch of silence. 

“When I signed the Book, He didn’t call upon me. As the years passed in silence, I thought that meant my faith was strong enough. Tha-that He didn't need proof… Stupid, stupid fool.” She swiped angrily at the tears. “When He appeared to me that night, I-I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe what He called me to do.” 

“He called on you to harrow me?” 

Hilda didn’t even register her sister’s affirming nod, lost as she was in a haze of memories. A bright smile turning cold. Edward taking ill. The first few nights of harrowing. Zelda in the background, eyes downcast. Vinegar Tom’s sudden transformation. Edward’s condition worsening. Her sister's brutality. “You resisted.” 

“Not enough!” Zelda snatched her hand away, wrapping both arms protectively around her middle. “It was my job to protect you.” 

“It was a dark devotion. When the Dark Lord tasks- _tasked_ us with something, we had no choice but to submit.” 

“That doesn’t excuse what I did! It certainly doesn’t excuse what came after! The way I killed you for centuries! He saw the evil inside me! He saw what I was capable of!” 

“Zelda Phiona Spellman, you are not evil.” Hilda scooted her chair closer. “You’re **not.** Yes, you have hurt me, killed me,” she cupped Zelda’s cheek when her teary eyes flitted away, “but you have also been the most self-sacrificing, loyal person I’ve ever known. And you’ve been doing better, Zelds. Ever since-” 

“Batibat.” Zelda finished for her, still unable to meet her sister's gaze. “She knew my shame.” 

Hilda’s eyes filled with tears of their own. “You don’t need to feel ashamed anymore. You’re not that same person. You’ve been so much kinder to me recently. Gentler, more patient. I forgive you for-” 

“No!” Zelda jolted back, tipping her chair over in her rush. Hilda watched as she began pacing. “No, Hilda! You said it yourself, you never got your revenge. The ghost children got theirs, but not you.” Zelda abruptly stopped pacing and dropped to her knees before Hilda. “You should. You deserve it. _I_ deserve it.” 

Mouth gaping, Hilda shook her head as her mind scrambled to find the words. “Zelda, look at me. Look at me!” 

Her sister reluctantly raised her head. 

Hilda brushed away the tears marring her sister’s cheeks. “I am not going to hurt you, nor am I going to leave you. That is my promise, but I need you to promise me something in return. Promise me that you’ll be kinder to yourself.” 

Zelda shook her head fervently, burying her face against Hilda’s flannel-clad knee. Hilda gently brushed her fingers through those perfectly quaffed curls. “I know you don’t believe it, but what you deserve is kindness. And that’s precisely what you’re going to get from me. Now, first, we’re going to finish our tea and then we’ll wash your face and tuck you in, snug as a bug. And then, I’ll tell you all about the latest book I’m writing. It’s chocked full of declarations of love and kissing in the rain and saucy minx-like behaviour. You’re gonna hate it.” 

Breathing an almost-laugh, Zelda lifted her head, still avoiding her sister's gaze. "Hildy?" 

"Yes, love?" 

"Want to know a secret? I only pretend to hate them." 

"Oh, is that why the pages always smell of tobacco and my bookmarks are never where I've left them? Colour me surprised." They shared a real laugh at that. 

"Zelds, do you want to know my secret?" Tucking a red lock behind her sister’s ear, she leaned in to whisper. "I love my sister."

**Author's Note:**

> Idk. Their relationship means the world to me and Zelda needs her sister.


End file.
